I remember ...those long days, while I was working in the prison. Often I'd have to work a double-shift ...so even when I got a day-off, it seemed I was always catching up on my sleep.

My bed was a much coveted place, but our children were very young, and they would say, "Tell us a bedtime story first!"

I often remember saying that I didn't know any bedtime stories, to which they'd say, "Mom just makes them up ...just make one up!" 

And I'd usually say, "I'm not good at telling stories like Mom."

It was at this moment, the guilt would impact me in a big way. After all, what greater moment is there for children to make known the cumulative desires of their hearts, those last testaments of love before falling asleep ...those endearing moments with Dad and Mom.

  We had taught them all to pray, turning their hearts towards God, as they crawl into bed each night.  

What kind of witness would I be, if not to encourage them also to freely desire that quality time with the very ones who had told them about God ...and all about how loving He is.

I was truly amazed, as a story did come into my head ...and it became their favorite.

It is a story about rats who love eating baked goods of all sorts ...whether it be casseroles, bread. cakes, or pies.

It so happens that the Queen loves pies, and her birthday is coming up.

The King decides to have a huge party for her, inviting the entire kingdom. He says he will provide the main dishes, he only requests everyone bring a pie.

When the rats hear of this, they invite themselves.

The pies are all placed in the huge palace banquet hall, and everyone hides throughout the palace ...waiting for the King to escort the Queen into the adjacent throne room. Everyone is poised to holler, "Surprise! Surprise!"

  And they do holler, "Surprise! Surprise!"

But then the surprise is on them, as they enter the banquet hall.

We all know why pies have slits cut in the top of the crust, but the rats didn't know ...for them it was just a point of entry, and they had begun to devour the pies from the inside-out.

The Queen is handed a silver knife with a diamond studded handle, so she can cut the first pie.   And when she does, they all hear a loud squeak followed by several terrifying noises ...one of which is the Queen shrieking, as rats come darting out of pies from all over the hall. The Queen shouts, "Pie-rats!  Pie-rats!!"

 The guards from the anteroom, upon hearing the screams, think the palace is under attack and begin screaming, "Pirates!! Pirates!! Raise the drawbridge, secure the castle ...and save the King and Queen!!" 

The Queen hollers franticly, "No, don't raise the drawbridge ...I want those dirty rats to escape!"  

The King begins to laugh, the Queen begins to laugh ...and then everyone begins to laugh.

Then the Queen chortles, "This surely will be the most memorable birthday I've ever had!!"

Years later, our children are at the library with me, and one of them shows me a book about "pie-rats".

The children do believe me that I made up my story.  And though someone had thought of the same theme, the children told me that my version was better.

Out of curiosity, I looked at the year of the copyright ...and the book was printed even before our children were born.

 It was kind of curious how the same idea which I thought was original, worked into the story of a well-known children's author.  I only have one book in print, "The Evolution of Confusion" ...and I had thought I'd like to write a children's book next, but that trip to the library sort of dimmed my hopes on that endeavor.

I did have one more story that I made up for the children, which is so ...how can I describe what I don't know quite how to describe, as it may not even qualify as dry humor. But I am quite confident it has not been thought of by anyone else, so that would qualify as an original. I didn't quite feel right leaving you with my version of the other story ...the one which is already in print, but by leaving you with this next story, you may have no alternative but to leave me with my own "wannabe" expectations as an author.

 I usually disagree with the cliche, but "no pain, no gain" may apply to my attitude towards writing ...so here goes!!

The story goes back ...I don't know how long ago, but let's just say, about one thousand years ago.

 It was a time of kingdoms.

Back then everyone lived in a kingdom, though rarely did anyone live like a King ...only the King and his family experienced such royal pleasures. Most everyone else was quite poor. The royal family did not have to demand all of the attention, that's just the way it was ...and everyone accepted that, except in one kingdom.

There was one kingdom where one other family got way too much attention.  Everyone knew them ...how could they not.   They were the Loudly family.

Mr. and Mrs. Loudly went to church every Sunday ...and no one came even close to singing as loudly as they sang. They didn't intentionally try to be noisy, it was just their nature.

And nature was definitely not excluded from the list of those affected. Throughout the week, the aspen leaves would quake from all the loud laughter from this very happy couple.  But even happy couples tend to disagree on occasion ...and when that happened, it was earthshaking.  

Many people in the kingdom believed they were half-deaf, reasoning that it would account for why they were so loud. Others believed the reason they were half-deaf was because they were so loud.

There was a saying that went about, that there is something in a "name".  But Mr. and Mrs. Loudly didn't pay heed to anything like that ...they kept living their mostly happy life in a very loud fashion, not worrying or fretting about what others may think.

One day, no one hears Mr. and Mrs. Loudly ...and everything is quiet.

The kingdom concludes that something terrible had either happened to them, or something terrible is about to happen to everyone else.  It's like walking through the forest, and suddenly you realize no birds are singing, no squirrels chattering ...and you expect danger is looming.  Everyone is convinced something must be dreadfully wrong.

Mr. and Mrs. Loudly arrive at church that Sunday, appearing to be somewhat okay, but they can't be! They aren't their typical loud selves.

Something must be wrong!  Mr. and Mrs. Loudly are whispering ...and when it comes time to sing, they sing quiet as a lullaby.

The King and Queen attend church that Sunday with their son, Solomon.

The church is packed that Sunday, and for every Sunday for the next several months ...filled with the King and Queen, and entire royal family ...in addition to the entire countryside of commoners.

They all fear something is wrong, and feel they'd better cover themselves with the graces of God, just in case something bad is happening.

They all feel there is a great likelihood that something will suddenly befall them ...and they aren't about to miss church.

It is the fifth straight month in church for the Queen, when she suddenly whispers to the King, "I do believe Mrs. Loudly is growing ...growing and glowing." 

The King whispers alarmingly, "What!  Do you suppose she is going to explode?" 

The Queen laughs softly, "No, no ...I don't mean that way!  I mean, she's got this pleasant glow about her ...and she's getting quite large.  I think she is going to have a baby!" 

The King smiles at his wife, and half laughs at his own big bang theory, "That would explain her singing. Instead of her usual loud singing, she's singing like ...like a lullaby, to the baby inside her."

The people seated behind the royal family hear the baby theory, and they begin whispering it ...until the entire church is whispering it.

The next Sunday, church attendance falls off to its usual numbers, and the King and Queen are not in attendance either. The next two Sundays, even less and less people attend the church service.

Then the following Saturday, the kingdom shakes again. They hear a lot of loud laughter, then a loud sigh ...then a lot of loud laughter, and another loud sigh.

Everyone throughout the kingdom can hear it, and they don't quite know what to make of it.

 They want to laugh too, but they are afraid.

The following day is Sunday, and they pack the church again.

Mr. and Mrs. Loudly are not at church, but their closest neighbor is ...and the announcement of the birth of twins brings about a quiet laugh of relief throughout the congregation ...and a sigh.

The next Sunday, Mr. and Mrs. Loudly are in church with their twins, one boy and one girl.

  The boy is named, Isaac, meaning laughter.  The girl is simply named Sigh.

As the years pass, for a peaceable kingdom, there are not many stories that are ever told, nor remembered. But this story is one of the favorites, told over and over again.

But this story is only half over.

As Solomon grows up, it is one of his favorite stories also, having heard it so often.

Isaac isn't the only one who likes to laugh, but his good-spirited sense of humor draws the attention of Solomon, and they become best friends.  Solomon invites Isaac to all the royal celebrations and festivities ...and of course, Isaac's sister is invited also. 

With each festival or celebration there are many games and contests. Solomon is well-schooled, and he usually wins the contests involving cleverness. Solomon is also very athletic, and he usually comes in first or second in most every event.

 Isaac is neither very clever, nor athletic ...and he usually loses every time.

Isaac's sister feels sorry for her twin brother, and each time he loses, she gives a big sigh.

Solomon is aware that the losing doesn't bother Isaac.  Isaac keeps telling his sister, "It doesn't matter, dear sister, I'm just happy to have such a good friend and to be able to share in the kingdom."

Solomon is pleased with Isaac's friendship, but he also recognizes what great love Isaac's sister has for her brother, simply wanting him to do well. And recognizing the great potential and admirable qualities within Isaac's sister, there comes a day when Solomon makes it known his desire to marry her.

The news spreads from kingdom to kingdom.  The whole earth hears of the announcement of Prince Solomon to wed.

When the day finally comes, everyone knows it will be the wedding of all weddings.

And it certainly lives up to its billing.

The following year, Princess Sigh gives birth to twin girls. Prince Solomon orders the royal craftsmen to build a larger bed, as his wife wants to have ease of nursing the twins.

The joy is mixed with sadness this year, as Solomon's mom, the Queen ...dies.

Two years later, Princess Sigh seems to take after her mom. She is getting huge. And soon she has triplets ...adding three sons.

 Prince Solomon orders a still larger bed, to incorporate the baby boys.

Though Solomon insists he and his wife need no help taking care of the two 2-year old girls and the three baby boys, the King tries to help the best he can. He hasn't seemed the same since his wife had died, though he tries not to show it.

Solomon is concerned for his dad though.  He decides to call on a good friend.  Isaac will be more than willing to help his sister.  Mr. and Mrs. Loudly would help too, but they had both caught a sickness, and do not want to jeopardize the health of the five little ones.

It works well, because Isaac is a big help, and it gives Solomon more time to be with his dad.

This helps lift the King's spirits somewhat, and the following year he is much better.

The year after that, Princess Sigh gets really ...huge. 


Having seen how huge she had gotten before having twins, then even larger for the triplets ...he can't imagine how many she is going to have this time.  

But then he has to experience something he can't imagine ...life without his dad.

He is all too aware he is not ready to become King, but mostly it is because he is not emotionally ready to live without dad, especially having lost Mom too, not that long before.

Solomon knows his wife could deliver any day now, and he just can't deal with all that emotion. Isaac calls upon the craftsmen for Solomon, asking for a bigger bed. The craftsmen say they can have it ready in two days.

Isaac says his own parents are well now, and he will call upon them to help ...he can get them there in two days.  Solomon is too preoccupied with his emotions to think of how he will make the trip so quickly ...Isaac's parents living clear on the other side of the kingdom's largest lake.

Along with the sad news of the King's death, travels the news of his son, now, King Solomon.

It is a peaceful day when Isaac rows across the lake to his parent's house, but it is an entirely different story when the three of them get in that small rowboat to start back across the huge lake ...still hoping to make the castle before nightfall.

The wind is in their favor, initially aiding in the rowing, but as the wind picks up ...the waves become larger and larger.

King Solomon cannot believe that his good friend, Isaac, has attempted to row across the lake in this terrible weather.  He had just lost his dad, he doesn't want to now lose his good friend, as well as Isaac's parents.

Standing on the balcony, at a high point on the wall of the castle, Solomon stares out across the treacherous waters. He can see them. It would not be that much farther, but he can also see that the worst is yet to come.

He stands there, praying silently that they will make it.

For over four years now, he had watched Dad's health fade, seemingly losing his will to thrive after Mom died.  And now, having just lost Dad, he faces the reality that he may now be losing his best friend too.

Upon hearing of the death of Solomon's dad, the common people had traveled from afar. Now, gathered below, they see King Solomon standing on the balcony and anticipate a speech ...not seeing what Solomon sees, nor why he is not speaking.

Solomon is looking beyond, and sees the men carrying the huge bed down a path ...from the craftsmen shop along the side of the lake.

Suddenly, Solomon sees the rowboat capsize. He can barely see them; yet they aren't that far from shore. But he fears they are still too far to be able to make it, with those violent waves.

He feels helpless, just watching the three of them desperately clinging onto the side of the overturned rowboat which will probably soon disappear.

Solomon suddenly realizes that the craftsmen carrying the bed could possibly reach them. He sees they are looking in that direction. They must see the life-threatening situation before them ...why are they not attempting to help?

But Solomon knows why.   They are so loyal to the King, they feel they must deliver the bed ...and that he would be upset if they set out to do anything but that.

The King wants to shout, but he knows they will be unable to hear him.

If only they were not so wrapped up in serving him, without giving a thought to his character as King ...and what his true heart's desire would be.

Solomon tries to scream out to the craftsmen, "Throw them the bed!"

But they don't hear him ...and even if they knew the King's heart, would it occur to them that the King wouldn't mind losing the bed.  After all, he too, considers no sacrifice too big for a human life.

Solomon has an idea! The craftsmen can't hear him, but the commoners below can.

 He looks down at the commoners below, and raising his arms up and down, as if leading them in a chant, he shouts, "Queen Sigh's bed ...Queen Sigh's bed ...Queen Sigh's bed ...Queen Sigh's bed!!"

As the commoners join in the shout, it is loud enough for the craftsmen to hear ...and they throw the bed into the lake, using the sheet as a sail.

They reach Isaac and his parents just as the rowboat goes under ...and they are all saved.

And from that day forward, the most popular 
bed is Queen Sigh's bed, or as we know it today, a Queen size bed. (especially a bed on sale, or was it a sail on a bed ...or was it the aiding of the bedding for the sail: as was told of ...the great heroics of the craftsmen with their aiding and abedding?) I know it's "abetting".  


Now you know to what great lengths I will go to for a joke ...and a couple of bad ones at that.   


But at least it was intended for a good ending, if not for good humor!

Castles of our youth ...where, in our minds, we explore. We find adventures and bury treasures deep within our childhood, often forgetting where we put them.  


It is good to remember.